Masturbation: My journey till now
About a month back, one day I just randomly decided to stop masturbation.
But at that time, my life was happening, and I could keep myself busy through that time and not think about it.
The way it started was that there was some event where I was busy for 3 days just roaming and exploring. So, from morning to night, I would be outside my dorm room and would get no time or chance to masturbate. This way, for about 3 days, I did not do the deed. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, I thought, as I have survived 3 days without it, why not continue it till “not masturbating” becomes my reality.
And, then, I stopped masturbation? I became beautiful again? No, NOT AT ALL..
Masturbation is a high dopamine-releasing activity, and I am addicted to it. Also, there’s the case of when you want to stop yourself from doing something. It is the only time you will get even more triggers from random places where you never once got a trigger.
So, after not masturbating for 3 days, I decided to stop masturbation all along or increase the gaps between which I masturbate. This turned out to be a great decision, and at first, I was able to control my urge and masturbated after 1 week. My next session happened after two weeks. Now, to distract myself, In those 3 weeks, I tried to push my body to limits in the gym and ran the longest distances in my life. (I ran about 20 km a week). I also started to try out new things in life, like playing squash with some random people I met near the gym and learning to play guitar for about 2 days.
For those 3 weeks, it felt like I was on cloud 9. Everything was going according to how I wanted it to go. But life is not always roses, right?
So, then came the bad time in my life. After the 2 weeks gap, I tried to go for a 3-week gap and see how things went. But, THIS DID NOT GO WELL. Instead, I found a very stimulating video online, which was the end. After 1 week, I fapped for two days continuously. And here I am, starting all over again. Today is February 15th, and I will not masturbate till March 14th. One month. Let’s see what happens.
Below, I am laying out what I learned from the experience.
Masturbation is a form of addiction, just like alcohol or smoking. You need to fight it, just like how you fight alcohol addiction or drug addiction.
Now, one of the things that’s happening to me is that. I am unconsciously trying to find activities that can replace masturbation and are equally dopamine-stimulating. This should not be the case. And when I am not able to find something which gives me a high, I would get depressed, and it would be tough for me to come out of it.
How to tackle it? I don’t know. I am still figuring it out. But something is happening on the internet: “dopamine detox.” I don’t know what that is, but I want to try something along the lines of it or similar to what that concept is. The Gist of dopamine detox is to stop all dopamine-inducing activities for a specific time, and you will be able to regain the joys in random, everyday things you did not enjoy before.
I will have to have some way of competing with boredom/loneliness or allow myself to accept it.I need to be more mindful. I need to find new hobbies to benefit me in the long run.
One of the other reasons masturbation addiction is hard on me is that I am obsessed with girls and want to get a girlfriend. Why is this the case? I am not sure. I have this idea of the ideal perfect love, which I crave a lot. I get an inevitable burst of urges, especially when I find someone beautiful and don’t have the confidence to approach her. This I regret afterwards and will try to overcome it by scrolling profiles in apps or just watching IG reels. I know I am not someone who should have a girlfriend because I am not fit right now to get her. I don’t have my priorities straight or my life sorted out. But is it required to get someone in your life? I don’t know. I am just confused a lot.
But that’s a story for a different article. I will need to get my thoughts straight, and when I do, I will share them here.
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