It’s one day left till the start of my end-semester exam.
I am sitting in my dorm room with the laptop in my lap, and I don’t know what I am feeling. I am happy, I am sad, I feel guilty, and I also feel nothing.
The human mind is a fantastic work of art. It can feel things. And one of the best and the worst things it can feel is love.
Love is a double-edged sword. It can grow you from nothing to something significant. Or, it can take you down from a mountain of happiness to a depth of sadness. It makes you feel different emotions at the same time. During childhood, the set of your feelings is limited. You are angry, sad, or happy. As you grow older, permutations of these feelings create new sensations in your mind that you can’t explain with words. Words are not enough sometimes for what you feel.
Teenage is when you start the journey of feeling different emotions. This overwhelms us; sometimes, we are obsessed with one feeling, and other times we are obsessed with another. Teenage life can take you to an all-time high without drinking. Or an all-time low without any warning. You never know how you will be feeling tomorrow.
One of the powerful feelings that dominate all is the feeling of love. It takes you each and every high and low through your life.
Why am I writing all of this?
I have a confession to make. I am a love addict. What? So, is every teenager. Even many adults will be love addicts. Don’t you ever want to watch a movie or TV series the most because you want the lead role to fall in love and spend his life with the lead actress? Many of you try to overlay your expectation of love life on those actors and actresses. If not, you are either not ready to accept it or don’t know it yet.
I have yet to fall in love and am in search of someone who will be the one for me. I am now quenching most of my thirst by watching love stories; at first, it was fun. Don’t know when it turned to addiction, and now it’s reaching an alarming level. I can’t wait but see some story with love in it. The feeling comes and goes like waves. In many movies that I watch, most of the time, I fall in love with the face or how the lead actress behaves. It makes me feel what I cannot feel in real life.
I do know the love of family, and I love my family very much. But I have not been in a relationship where I love someone, and she loves me back just as much as I do, maybe more or maybe less. (I am not at all ready to accept less, though. Right now.)
Sometimes I wonder what being in a relationship will be like. How would it feel like you have someone you will be very eager to meet every day and talk to her? Be with her. Let her sleep on you. Have sex with her intensely and make her feel the happiest in her life. I want to cherish her, make her happy, and be the best she has ever felt. I don’t know if I will get someone like that.
I often get eyes on some beautiful girl I see somewhere, and I just watch her from afar and never have the guts to talk to her and maybe try to strike up a conversation. I am always terrible at conversing with girls because they will instantly feel around me that I am needy.
I don’t know how to make a girl fall in love with you. I don’t know how to talk with girls. I may be single my whole life. Or maybe not.
I may get the most beautiful girl I can ever be with, or I may not be able to have that and fall in love with someone who is not that attractive in looks, but nature-wise, she is good.
I am expecting to get the answer to these questions as soon as possible. I hope that on vacation, I meet someone in my hometown. I may find someone in my college. Who is most beautiful. Who has many similarities to me. Who I will able to direct all my love into.
I hope I will find someone someday, somewhere. Who will be perfect for me, or more than perfect. I will try to be perfect for her. I will cherish her. I will do everything I can for her. I will be tender and harsh with her if she wants (I mean it in every sense). I will show her the universe. I… I just can’t explain what I will be willing to do for her.
Just waiting for the right one. Hope I find her soon. Hope she is by my side for my whole life. Hope life doesn’t make us part ways, no matter what.
I will be by her side always?
I hope she doesn’t have to read this ever to show how much I will love her. But if she does. Just know one thing. I will love you will all my heart. I will never betray you. You can come to me for whatever you want. And, if we ever fight, I am angry with you, or you are mad at me. If the reason is right. Just give me some time. I will always return back to you.
Yours truly,
Someone who will love.
